We are told to be who we become. If you tell a child he is bad, he will become bad. If you tell him he is awesome, he will become awesome.

Over a lifetime we get to become who we want to be… or close to it. One of the biggest impacts on this pursuit is what we are TOLD about ourselves.

I realized early on in my marriage that someday I am going to be married to a woman that I have torn down or built up for the last 20 years. In 20 years, I want to be married to a woman who is full of life, love and self-confidence. That is likely not going to happen if I spend those 20 years tearing her down.

It is important that we spend some energy building up the people around us in our family, play and work but also as important that we realize what we tell ourselves.

For some of us, the voices in our head can be the most damaging voices in our life. They are the voices of past failures, shame, guilt and a lack of confidence. The idea of self-affirmations sound a little like the guy from SNL who would build himself up in the mirror before starting his show, but the studies show it works. We tend to grow closer to becoming what we are told we are… even if it is the voices inside our heads.

So here are three questions that we all need to have an answer to:

1. Who will we allow to speak into our minds as to “who am I?”
2. What are some of the lies that you believe about yourself?
3. What are some positive affirmations you can use to combat those attacks?